My name is Bruce. I reside in some strange building in a glass house. Generally my needs are well taken care of, I live alone, which is probably a good thing – last time I was with another fish – I ate him. Believe me, it’s not my fault. If I could have controlled myself I would have, but he puffed himself out like some superstar and BAM – lunch. It’s like those vampire movies all the little punk humans are into these days… some urges can’t be controlled.
Anyways, I have a stalker. I know, I know seems strange, a fish having a stalker – but seriously. I swear it’s true. And he hides just under my house. With his shiny blue fins, he constantly taunts me, mimicking my every move. I heard one of the humans say it’s a mirror, but I know different. Foolish people. I’m the one that has to fight him off everyday; they have no idea how lucky they are to have me protect them from sneaky fish residing in the desk.
I have a pet peeve. Well I have a few. First of all, does anyone realize how hard I work? Those rocks don’t move themselves to form a nice little hollow are the bottom. Nope that’s all me. Did you think I was BORN with these muscles? I don’t think so. As soon as I get it just right, it’s like clock work – to the kitchen I go. I get scooped out of my home my some vicious spoons into solitary confinement while the human messes up my rocks and almost kills me. It’s really a miracle that I’m alive.
I still remember the worst day of my life, a fateful morning. My bowl was abruptly taken to the kitchen, which was already sending my anxiety through the roof. Most of the water was dumped out, and the human tried her best to dump me out as well. I would have none of it; I clinged to the rocks at the bottom, violently flopping without my water, gasping for air. Suddenly I was on a cold metal sink, suffering from a concussion and bruised fin. My short life passed before my eyes, all the fish I’ve eaten, all small fish offspring I will never see, or eat and just as I was about to yell out “goodbye cruel world!” I was thrown back into water. I wasn’t sure if this was the end, the bright light at the end of the toilet. I laid very still, scared to move and I heard a voice “Bruce? Bruce? Oooooh NO! I KILLED BRUCE!” Nope. Definitely not heaven. *sigh* it’s the HUMAN! I seriously felt all the color drain from my face, suddenly pale and depressed. All I could think was… “here we go again….”
Till next time. Swimming off.