Knowing....

You know that feeling when someone really knows you. Like really knows you.
Knows when you say “I’m fine” doesn’t mean “fine” or how your eyes change color if your sad. Or the way you laugh or smile a certain way means something… or you can look across a room and share a joke without even saying a word? That kind of knowing. Yeah… I miss that.
Its not very often we get people that “know” us that well. Sure, we know a lot of people, we know things about them, favorite colors, bands, starbucks order or sport – but the deep-down-I-Feel-you is something different.
I’ve had that with people, some amazing friends, some past relationships – family. But when you lose that, or those people move on in life, it leaves a different kind of hole. The kind that you aren’t sure if someone can know you like that again, or if you want someone to. Or you can go for a year without talking, and one look, or conversation and it all floods back – that yeah I don’t even have to say anything – they just know.
Theres a lot to each person. A lot of history, memories – experiences. Once you open up that door of vulnerability it creates a bond with someone that’s not easily broken. I’ve gone through a lot in my life and I find that I can repeat back the events like I’m reading the news – its easier. If I stop to “feel” those events, its too much. Sometimes its just too much to say anything, to explain, to share your life – all I want is for someone to just “know”. I hate starting over. It’s the worst feeling. Its stressful, its uncomfortable and theres the fear that it’ll be too much to handle, or that I’m not enough. I hate feeling vulnerable. Or open. Its terrifying.
I’d rather laugh it all off and say “I’m tough”. But every once in a while – all I want is for someone to look me in the eye and say “I know you’re strong, but you’re not that tough, let me help carry you for a little while”
So don’t discount the value of “knowing” someone, or letting them know you. Its one of life’s precious gifts to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to love and be loved unconditionally.