Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Gear Grinding

I think I’m getting older. No really, besides the gray hairs popping up and the recovery time for working out, or a late night – my patience is getting lower. Maybe I need a dose of happiness like puppies, rainbows and cuddles. Who knows? But really… people are strange. Not in the “it-takes-all-kinds-to-make-the-world-go-round” but in the “people-are bat-shit-crazy-and-I-have-no-idea-how-you-have-lived-this-long” kind of way.
Trust me, I am a strong believer in the goodness of people, and am amazed at some of the amazing people I encounter daily. These are not the species I am referring to

Zombie Children
I had the privilege of celebrating Canada Day with my family and gosh darn I love my Country! However… the future makes me shudder in fear. You know all those zombie movies… not fake, the zombies are here people! They are in disguise of tiny, skinny-jeans, v-neck, cell phones-attached-to-their-brain hipster children. SERIOUSLY.
I can only hope they eat some brains just to ingest some intelligence.
They wander around the planet, bashing into people, lumbering like oversized llamas, uttering incoherent sentences, and when they run into you in a mass group like some sort of pack of hormonal gerbils they honestly look SHOCKED that there are other people around them! People with white canes have a better sense of where they are then these morons. Not sure if it’s the cell phone glued to their faces, or the fake big glasses skewing their vision. Either way I was ready to punt them all into the lake!

Dumb Questions.

You walk into a store. In a mall. “Out shopping today?” Nope. I was actually time travelling, but thanks for noticing.
“Is your hair naturally curly?” nope. I really just like the electrocuted lion look.
“Its ok that I set off fireworks in my backyard in the city right?” really? Do I actually have to answer this question?
In a restaurant “Do you want a table?” actually I was hoping to stand here all night. Thanks for asking.
“Did you know you have a goose outside?” No the fire line tape and orange pylons surrounding it really camouflaged it. Please tell me more.
“But seriously, I swear when I have a fire it never produces smoke” perfect… finally proof magic exists! Call the newspapers!


I know I have “that face” that makes people me all sorts of things. Most of the time, about things I would rather not know. By the time they leave my office, or I walk out of a store, I’m a little dazed at what people are willing to share with complete strangers.
As much as I love hearing about how your relationship with your dead mother is better than ever and you guys hang out like homies, all I really wanted was to buy a multi-vitamin. And in my brain I have SO many things I would love to say, but I just smile and nod and say “aw that’s too bad”.
Its not that I don’t care that your dog died, your marriage is falling apart, you have a hangnail, bad gas, you have warts on your toes – somewhere deep down I really do care. But I’ve never seen you before, and I will probably (hopefully) never see you again and I just think… maybe these types of conversations should be reserved for family, close friends, or perhaps your unicorn covered journal. Just saying.
Alright that about wraps it up. Again, I really do love people, but there are some that really grind me gears.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

I found this pretty interesting, and funny.